Love & Grief
Today marks two years since I last heard my Mom say, “I love you.” Two years since I last felt her loving embrace, smelled her unique scent and kissed her goodbye. I miss her so very much. Although I am no longer lost in my grief, it never goes away. It never will. There are hurts in this world that time alone cannot heal. Her absence remains a dull, edgy ache. I will grieve my mother as long as I love her. So, forever.
Anniversaries Aren’t Always Happy Occasions
Anniversaries and special days can be especially difficult for me. Sadness wells up, not unexpectedly, even during joyous occasions. Easter time is particularly brutal. When the second week of April approaches, I can feel my chest tightening. The sharp blade of grief turns and slides a little deeper into my heart.
I know it’s coming. It’s impossible to avoid. And, I wouldn’t want to avoid it anyway because on the other side of those painful emotions is my mother and all her love. It took me a long time, wading through the quagmire of grief, to learn that the only way round is through.
Working Through Grief
Still, mourning can make being a functional human being difficult. It’s complicated and messy. It’s raw. It is so fucking real. Day to day tasks feel impossible. Running a business in the midst of sorrow proves challenging. Needless to say, those horrible “I’m a total fraud. Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,” thoughts come charging in to further muddy the waters. Yay, self-doubt!
Regardless, I put my personal emotional drama aside to help clients get sorted. Recently, I was feeling particularly shit when I arrived on the doorstep of a new client. But, I put on my biggest smile (under my mask) and tightened my ponytail-ready to work. Cuz, that’s what I do. When I walked in the house, the very first thing that I noticed was a framed poem on the wall. My heart stuttered.
Messages from Beyond?
It was the EXACT same poem that my Mom had hanging in her bedroom. The same poem that my best friend read at my mother’s funeral service. Same frame and everything. Admittedly, I was having a good stomp around in my own hellish pity party. When I saw that poem I could almost hear my mother whispering, “Pay attention!” Instantly, the tightness in my chest eased. I felt lighter. Purposeful. The client and I had a massively successful session. We accomplished more than either of us expected.
Before you ask, no. I didn’t share this experience with my client. They are dealing with their own struggles and I didn’t want to add to the sorrow load. The time I spend with my clients is THEIR time. My personal issues are mine to carry. I shared with my dearest friends and close family at the end of the day. I’ve held it in my heart since then. I can’t think of a better way to honour my mother and my grief than to share the story.
Life Changing Words
Call it a message from beyond, a sign from above, divine intervention or whatever you will. Call me crazy, if you’d like. However, at a time that I desperately needed my Mom’s love and encouragement, this poem showed up. I firmly believe was it my mother was speaking directly to me. This is what she said:
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
Message heard. Loud and clear, Mom. I love you too.
If you are struggling with grief and loss, help is available. Please reach out to family, friends or medical professionals like your family doctor and counsellors. You can self refer too. You aren’t alone.
If you are struggling with decluttering, organizing and simplifying your space, reach out to Kelly at A Sorted Affair Inc. I can help you get sorted, with compassion.
Yours in All Things Sorted,